Movie Review: The Guardian

I would love to come back with a great movie review for all of you, but instead I have this.... The Guardian. Kevin Costner and Demi Moore humper Ashton Kutcher team up in this buddy movie about the U.S. Coast Guard. Riding on the tails of the amazing work the coast guard did following Katrina, this should have been a great movie but fell well short. The plot centers around the aging coast guard swimmer Ben Randall (phoned-in by the Postman himself) and his conflict and inevitable respect for the up and coming cocky coast guard enlistee Jake Fischer played by Kutcher. Randall loses his team and starts to doubt himself and his skills so he accepts a teaching position where he encounters Fischer who wants to prove himself in the rough and tumble world of coast guard search and rescue.

The Good -
The cinematography of the storm footage and helicopter action was very impressive. While I am sure most was CGI, it felt real none the less. I was also impressed with Melissa Sagemiller, the love interest of Fischer. She played her role very down to earth and the only time I ever felt real emotion from this movie was during her dramatic scenes.

The Bad -

Teaming Kevin Cosner and Ashton Kutcher together for ANYTHING is just a bad idea. Their interactions on screen felt very forced and unnatural. Kutcher plays "over the top" like Saul Hudson plays guitar but it is painful to watch in almost every movie he has done. When he is forced to get emotional, Kutcher just falls back on his "mildly crazy" acting skill and envokes zero emotion from the audience. Combine that with the melodramatic and depressing way Cosner attempts any role Hollywood throws his way and its like watching two monkeys finger paint while doing mass quantites of zoloft and crystal meth.


The Ugly -

a literary professor once told me that "It was a dark and stormy night" was the most cliche and unoriginal opening for a story. The Guardian is the dark and stormy night of Hollywood. Every scene had been done in dozens of movies much better then this one. From the "hero's fall" to the boot camp hard core life lessons to standing up to the bullies (in this movie it was a bar full of Navy seaman). I was bored with this movie more then anything else. The only thing that kept me going was eventually naming movies where the current scene was done first or better.


There is nothing new here. Its Top Gun and Full Metal Jacket and Men of Honor warmed over. I would recommend this as a netflicks or blockbuster rental when the weather is bad or the internet is down. In other words, when you have nothing better to do. Don't waste 9 bucks on this one folks.

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