The Thing About Match.com

For those single people out there we have heard it all before one of your friends has this story, “Oh, you should try match.com, I have a friend who did it and that’s how they found their wife/husband.” Maybe you heard this one, “I tried match.com and went out on a lot of dates. Watch out for those married people and one night stands, haha.” It has occurred to me that Internet dating is now considered just a normal way of meeting people. We have been groomed by technology to rely on it as a resource, not only for information but to find our soul mate as well. Since I am a part of the digital age I have braved my insecurities, took some pictures and opened a Match.com account.

You get to have your own page which is very similar to Myspace.com but specifically for dating. If you decide to set up an account, give yourself 30 minutes or more and get a credit card handy. There are several categories to fill out, such as basics, lifestyles, interests and values just to name a few. However, it is the Intro that is the foundation of you and what you are attracted to. The more clever the writing the more hits you get. Beware, all of the men I have viewed say the same thing. “I’m just a laid back guy, looking for a nice girl to be my best friend.” And “Honesty is key I don’t want to play any games or be lied to.” Here I thought lying and cheating on a significant other was a good way to go about things.

Match.com has teamed up with Dr. Phil so you have a choice in packages. You can either sign up for a month or bulk up on months for a cheaper rate. I signed up for 3 months for $50.00, but you have to cancel or they will continue to charge you. If you decide to go with the Dr. Phil package, or the Premium package as I like to call it, you pay extra but have access to dating tips and video modules Dr. Phil style. Probably not necessary, but if you have never dated before or do not know how to talk to people in a social setting then you might want to pay the extra $20.00 or so bucks.

Here are some tips. Be brave and honest about who and what you want. Some people will lie to you and pursue you with bad intentions. If you do not want a one night stand then say, “No!”. You do not owe these strangers anything. I will let you know this is very similar to going out and meeting people. Some are very attractive and some are very, uh, unattractive. I highly recommend you post a picture and be honest about your body weight. There are jerks out there who will judge and those that will fall instantly in love with you. Keep yourself grounded and pay attention to how people speak to you in e-mails. Also, if you have shared several e-mails, bump it up to a phone call so you know how they really talk.

If you are single with a bit of cash and time then this is something to consider. Do not expect instant success! Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither should a long lasting loving relationship. I could insert more clichés but what’s the point? Really,try talking on the phone before you set up a meeting date. I could have saved myself the grief and stress of looking for last minute escape routes had I just talked to the guy on the phone first! Arm yourself with a good sense of humor, patience and the ability to say “no thank you.” Other than that open your heart and say ahhhh.

Disclaimer: Before reading further please understand I respect these men tremendously for putting themselves out there. There is no obvious physical feature used to identify them, names, location of work or anything else…

The first date I will call King V, match.com clued me in and said we are 70% compatible. Out of the 25 categories we filled out 17 of them matched. The date was planned for a Starbuck’s in Ann Arbor and after walking three city blocks in heels because I had to park so far away, I was looking forward to sitting down in air conditioning and sipping on a soy latte. As I approached the building my heart skipped a nervous beat as it dawned on me, “I could be meeting my potential husband or my next boyfriend… Eek!”
King V and I spotted each other instantly but didn’t make a move until it was obvious I was looking for someone. Then he approached, handsome with a nice smile and something else… a lisp! In the words of David Cross, “Not every gay man has a lisp but only gay men have a lisp.” It wasn’t just a lisp but other behaviors as well that made me question his interest in women. So much that I found myself analyzing him when he spoke about the pressures of being a man in his family and how things will change when he has kids.
As I was ready to sit down King V suggested we tour the U of M campus. We walked and talked for about a mile and a half. Timid King V opened up to me and shared his last relationship trauma and how he still misses his ex-girlfriend. Bad move number one, especially if the length of the relationship (10 months) doesn’t match the length of time apart (3 years). Not to mention, he asked for my advice about another girl he was speaking to on match.com. Bad move number two! After two hours together I called it a night we gave each other a light hug and went our separate ways. We have since followed up with e-mails, but after meeting me once he wanted to smack my ass and make out with me. Hard to be flattered by those comments when I felt there was nothing between us in the first place. Match.com Rating - 70%, My Rating - 30%.

The second date, Mr. Saturday Blues, almost did not happen as I noticed our compatibility rate was only 60% and all his dislikes were my likes. I e-mailed him and suggested we not meet. He doesn’t like tattoos, I have one. He is very religious where I am not so much. He e-mailed me back saying those things don’t matter to him and that we should meet anyway. So, I found myself sitting before a socially awkward guy 10:30 on a Saturday morning with about four hours of sleep under my belt. Even sleep deprived I am able to assess a situation fairly and from the moment I met him the date needed to end quickly. I asked him questions and found myself working in conversation about myself and what I like or do.
Mr. Saturday Blues asked me, “What are your favorite movies? This will let me know if you have good taste...” My thought, “Is this for true?!” Then our conversation revolved, I reiterate, revolved around his favorite Stanley Kubrick films. Whether on a Saturday morning first date or not, discourse about the meaning of Stanley Kubrick films is so much not fun. Not only that but had he bothered to ask, he would have learned that I wrote a term paper on a Clockwork Orange and the purity of a rebellious society. Needless to say he gave me an out and I took it selfishly, the only selfish moment I had. Match.com Rating - 60%, My Rating - 0%.

The third date, Mr.Fogetabouddit a “Goodfellow” who was more pussycat then New York gangster turned Michigander. The wine and romance of our date went to my head and I found myself drunk more on possibility then on true compatibility. Match.com’s rating for us was 82%. The conversation was engaging as we shared stories, food and cigarettes. Here is where it gets goofy, I felt he should have offered to pay for me but I asked him out to dinner and in the end we split the bill. If I was to nit pick, which is what the nice folks at Memepunks pay me to do, I would say if a man orders for his date then he should at least offer to pay. Ladies/ gentlemen, use your best judgment, if you had a good time and really like the person offer to pay the bill, it shows character. After our date he walked me to my car, opened the door and pursued pushing his tongue down my throat. When I explained I had to leave for a morning meeting, he told me how he was planning on having me over that night for a movie. In his words, “You're a classy lady and I wasn't gonna sleep wich you or nothin' just have you ova to get to know ya better.” First date sleep overs = bad idea. As individuals should we not give each other more space and time? This is something I have stated on my match.com page, I want a long term relationship but time is of the essence. So, I took his last gesture of having me over as a bad match but the human spirit kicked in and he apologized for the idea of going back to his place after our first date. Mr. Fogetabouddit explained to me that his life is good, he loves his house, loves his job and would like to share it with someone. An attitude like that speaks volumes about his character. Match.com Rating - 82%, My Rating - still checking it out %.

John Lennon once said of Yoko Ono and their first meeting, if her art work did not impress him he would have walked out in the first five minutes. However, he gave it chance and one of her art pieces was a word written on a white ceiling. She wrote one little three letter word on the ceiling, “Yes.” This won him over and they went on to become one of the world's most famous ground breaking couples. So give yourself all the date possibilities necessary to make the best decision. Your time and energy is valuable, use it wisely. In the words of Johnny Drama, “Try my eggs Florentine and take a deep breath.” When searching remember to take a deep breath, be understanding of what you want and say, “Yes” when the time, art work and person is right.


"We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin our hearts for so long, both of us knowing.
Love is a battlefield." - Pat Benatar